I do tend to believe that knowledge and pearls of wisdom imparted at an young age do tend to stick till grave. I especially enjoyed the verses of kabir. Eloquent delivery with stringent use of words. Like a mellifluous jewel inside an obscure puzzle. I used to admire how something that was so hard to understand all made meaning beautifully. My naive mind that it was, adored my Hindi teacher who unlocked the puzzle and let it all out. He was the one who could bring out the literary drive amongst the veritable bedlam called class as presented by 8th graders.

A couple of those inspiring verses.

"Dukh Mein Simran Sab Kare, Sukh Mein Kare Na Koye
Jo Sukh Mein Simran Kare, Tau Dukh Kahe Ko Hoye"

"Bada Hua To Kya Hua, Jaise Ped Khajoor
Panthi Ko Chaya Nahin, Phal Laage Atidoor"

Haggard eyes black ,
not so steel anymore
grouchy face, unwelcome lines,
wisdom and pain
Come with time.

no complaints my old lady
its not u but the years that have worn you grey
its not u but the tempest that has made you what you are today
not today not tomorrow but wait for your time in bliss
the colors of sweet release

but remember thy had a life that once lit ablaze
with sunshine, with stars as embellishment of joyous life
with your prime and beauty
that left no souvenirs
no marks no hue
nothing to look at

I have been working long and hard .. not to say productive but i know its beyond me when i fail to distinguish the sunrise and sunset that capture the day and look at the color change in the sky and start my count down again..
A starbucks cofee long gone cold, a piece of an old apple pie , memories of sambar idly , a smelly tiffin box, 3 hand kerchiefs of different colors, a comb, a sock and a cartload of papers , each of them having been scribbled over enough number of times and their ink smudged and paper dog eared , a watch , earphones of my IPOD(without my ipod), an empty purse and a dishevelled look on my face and a pang on excitement when i think of bed and stuffed toys ..
when i reach that point of state mentioned above , where the physical self disowns the senses , i know that i have worked long enough..
when my head bobbles up and down the ocean of panic, i should lest realize that i should go home..
Well....... else if i am still not done with the work, my brain takes occassional breaks ,bows down to the caffine and lets my hand take over to write the most distressed and boring blog ever like this one...

Realization of your ignorance strikes you high and hard when it comes to making decisions ... true... but in a new country and new culture..you are reminded of it constantly by being judged by your own mind , unconcious reference to self as a quintessential douche is indeed inevitable.....

On one such days , when the essence of being the newbie strings on to me ,the inherent work ass does justice to its term and i decide to spend the night in the lab working on "Stuff", with a friendly dude who apparently stays back to watch movies.

Dude: Lets go for a cofee !!
Me : Sure !! I am dying to get one .. (my perspicacity failing to realize this was the first time i went out for cofee )

We take a leisurely stroll and talk about all the things under the sun , from coursework to religion and reach the prototypal all night cofee shop.

There i find a haven of similar shaped cofee mugs with freshly brewed content.. all same color with different names none of which i can identify .

'Columbian roast', 'French vanilla' , etc etc etc. well those were the two which i could atleast read.
choices : Black : all above mentioned..
Creamer/Milk : An equal number of options much to my confusion.
sugar : different color packets categorized on weight,content of sucrose and a zillion other things..
While my dude just knows the 'right choice'... i grapple around with my eyes , hoping they do not accidentally mislead my ignorance.. Not that i am ashamed (but what the heck!! everyone wants to be omniscient)..

Dude , realises it.. (afterall he has been a newbie too ) and much to my irritation, with a puffed up chest, calls up his choice , which is a complicated jargon of words , from which my mind could only cut out words belonging to the layman family like 'black', 'hot','tall'.. rest all went unheard..

Now my turn to order...
I just wanted to order a filter cofee and think of its wafting smell and the hard struck taste that gives you a high even before the caffine reaches your blood.

More than excited , i reached out, grabbed my senses , pondered for a while and said 'Ditto' ..and proudly smiled to self , while my brain neurons do a wild tango and hug each other .. for having found a roundabout to save embarrasment..

Now.. how did i get over it..

Empowered by 'Google'. :)

When you have lived through time when you had everything one could ever want but never realised how important they were , when you have had a home town to go to at the distance of a bus ride, friends all around you, food you take for granted to be available at the nearest local restaurant , the public transport at your disposal, phone you could use without worrying whether you could manage the bills,a cofee shop to spend those unforgettable precious moments with a dear one, a job that you could get killed working, more friends who would listen to your yapping ,a monthly salary and a single independent life and when you embark on a dream that you have long planned.. , you assume you are mentally prepared to give up everything for a short stint so that u can make it big in life...but no matter how prepared or planned in advance, it always comes in as a shock.. atleast to people who are not ashamed to be in touch with their emotions. Is it worth while ?? Do these fleeting thoughts make you a different person or do they just bring out an inherent form of expression that never had the opportunity to rise up and high ? Should you learn to grow up by trying to remain untied from these thoughts which choke you up, by being objective or should you let it overwhelm you once in a while ? I hope the destination is worth the journey!!!

Many a times we end up doing stuff , ignorant of the ramifications of our actions..
One tiny example of that is celebrating holi..
For a southie like me , who most always ran away from colors of holi ,be it in the neighbourhood or college , verbally slaughtered by my north indian friends as 'murdering the spirit of holi' ,any opportunity to look at an ocean of brown faces in a foreign counrty is more than enticing..
and so i went 2 be a part of the gang which managed to find an "indi dukan" in the middle of nowhere and armed with colors that would put a rainbow to shame , we launched the celebration.
Nothing gives you more a pleasure to destroy the tidy corridors and muddle the pool into a heavenly mixture .. well. nothing , probably more than trying out wild designs on people you dont even know , venting your vendatta on "any" available clean face :).
Grab the opportunity .!! well.. all done ....... serenity demolished , assignments ,exams and due papers long forgotten , out come brown people in all sizes and shapes with a dab of blue,green and what not. Some one even went to the extent of getting out chilli powder!!
dude!! hold on!! hell no .. i like holi but i dont wanna be crippled for life.......
and so it went............ for an hour,two , prob 5..
When the noise became too much,and people looked at us appalled ,prob wondering whether the natives have decided to launch their attack ...... and someone s meek warning that cops mite sniff us out.. thats when the fun stopped... well. temporarily atleast..
Do we need a reason to celebrate .. !!
mera desh mahan :)